I Watched My First C-Drama and I Believe In Love Again!

The hopeless romantic is burning through my veins.

Two years ago I went through the dumbest breakup ever. A lot of my relationship failings are my fault in a way. For one, a Gemini man born between June 7th and June 15th HATES to see me coming. My unending track record of Geminis means all my breakups usually just involve the man disappearing. (If you’ve heard a ghosting story that shook your core, I bet I can top it.) This guy was no different—disappeared for a month and never answered my calls, emails or texts ever again to this day. (We did a passive aggressive truce via instagram likes, 18 months later) I fall in love easy because I enjoy it but that time it really felt like I had stood my ground and been romanced. When I told my friends about how we met they believed in love again and so did I. But when it ended all I could feel was immense shame; I posted this man on instagram and then watched as he slowly deleted any evidence of our time together.

I don’t think about him these days but something shut off in me during that time. I went back to watching nothing but horror and sci-fi. I couldn’t bare to watch a single thing that involved romance—guns, death, stealing, gore? fine. But no smoochy smoochy for me. I tried to pretend I was just studying up on my favorite genre (mind you my Emmy nom was for a romcom!) but as my group chats would discuss shows and films filled stuff the normal me would’ve loved to indulge in, I would just feel completely dissociated. I confessed that I was missing this side of myself and ask for suggestions to ease back into my old interests but every time I’d just queue up another zombie movie.